Rolling Out: Calvin Roberson: ‘Sex is the highest form of communication in a marriage’
Relationship expert and spiritual adviser of Atlanta-based ministry Progression Church, Calvin Roberson is saving one marriage at a time with the help of his sought-after counseling services. Roberson was once working as a New York Stock Exchange representative for 10 years and later left to pursue his calling as a full-time pastor. His expertise has been recognized all over the country and now you can watch him work his magic at home from your TV screens on the A&E docu-series, “Married at First Sight.” Roberson has taken over former show expert Greg Epstein’s position and is very excited to be a part of the incredible project. Rolling out caught up with Roberson to get the scoop on his tips on how to maintain a healthy marriage, his thoughts on why marriages aren’t working out in 2016 and his perspective on how important sex is in a marriage.
What inspired you want to devote so much of your career to helping people with their relationships?
From the beginning, one thing that is interesting is that my education is in theology for my undergrad and I have a masters degree in divinity. I have always been involved in counseling from a church perspective with pastoral counseling. What happened is once I got involved with that and started with the church I found that it became much more prevalent and I had a knack for it. People would come to me on different levels and ask for counseling and I would comply. After getting married it became a situation where we actually counseled couples together. We found that they were really benefiting from what we were doing so we started an organization called “Married and Naked” years ago in Ohio. It was very successful. We would have workshops for couples. We also had a marriage conference in 2009 which was also a success, but what we are doing now after finding so many couples that are in need is counseling them. We have always wanted to see other couples succeed. I experienced failure in my first marriage and realized if I had received the counseling I am giving people now it may have succeeded.
What are some of the common issues plaguing the marriages that frequent your counseling sessions?
I believe that the most common issue that I have ever encountered is communication. A lot of people think it’s financial issues or sexual issues, but to be honest with you, it’s about how to communicate about those things. A lot of folks don’t know the tools that are necessary to communicate. They either communicate out of anger or they don’t understand how, to be honest or open. They are afraid to be open with each other for fear of being accepted. Another thing is pride. You’d be surprised at how many people struggle with this whole thing of vulnerability. The reason we call our organization “Married and Naked” is because we want people to be completely vulnerable. You have to get rid of your pride to be able to share everything with another person.
What is the number one mistake most men and women make in a relationship?
The number one mistake most people make in a relationship is not being honest about who they really are. They are not completely honest about what they really feel. I believe that one mistake and I can even speak about my previous relationship was being able to reveal your past and being honest about your own desires and struggles. Marriage is not a cure-all. It is an opportunity to grow together. When people are not completely honest about who they are and what they need then it’s difficult, to be honest with someone else. Then you’ll always be suspicious about receiving what they have to give because you cant trust someone else’s honesty because you can’t be honest with yourself.